Let’s not mince words: last night, I was triggered. It’s not really my place to get angry on a personal level. It’s unbecoming of me as a reactionary, and dare I say, Anissimov-esque. I said last night that I believe in decorum, and I mean it. I think neoreaction as a movement should aspire to a higher level of behavior and decency. That doesn’t mean we can’t cut loose and have fun: Nick B. Steves can still go on the Daily Shoah and call people fags, I can still run TRD, Duck can be Duck. But if we are to be better than the modern world, we must ultimately hold ourselves to a higher standard of behavior than the modern world, primarily in our own spaces. It’s one thing to express moral indignation at a leftist pedophile. It’s another to publicly coax someone to suicide on a semi-intellectual blog. If I cannot exhibit a sense of restraint and formality in my own domain, then what good am I as a moral authority?
Anger is good. I’m not upset that I got angry. I’m actually proud of myself for getting angry. My anger comes from having a sense of right from wrong. I’m angry because I see a bad person doing bad things and barely anyone else being willing to step up and say “no, this is bad, you’re bad and need to be stopped.” My anger comes from my sanity.
I’m upset because I didn’t properly harness my anger. Letting my anger consume me and override my sense of decorum is not healthy. As reactionaries, we must remember that we are subservient to morality, a good much greater than us. As healthy as anger is, it’s petty and personal. Letting this anger override a commitment to public standards of behavior is inherently selfish. No one man is greater than the principles and values of neoreaction. Not Moldbug, not Nick B. Steves, and certainly not me.
This is not an apology. I have no one to apologize to. I have not hurt anyone but myself- through petty anger, I dishonored myself. This is an explanation, an honest reflection on my words and actions, and what they mean. I believe that honesty is the greatest moral good, and that Neoreaction is the fundamental pursuit of truth and a truth-based society. Thus, I must confront the truth of my own actions, and be honest about what I have done and what it means.
Thus, I submit this not as a submissive public confession, but a bold declaration. I will say with authority that I have done wrong to myself. This is the truth of the matter. I am not ashamed to say I have erred, and I will not dwell on it. I will not delete or hide my error, but leave it there for the world to see. I am not ashamed of my mistakes, I will only grow from them. I will move forward in pursuit of the truth and all that is good. I will grow and learn to harness my anger. I will not deny my faults, but work to overcome them.